My Best Worst Moments.
”You are SO boring.”
This is the most common comment I’ve heard over the last ten months. Not having a drop of alcohol (nope – not smoking anything either) seems to be tougher for those around me, than what being sober is for myself. The beginning was hard. After a summer filled with Strongbows and short night sleeps pulled me under murky waters. I was sick and depressed for weeks. “I might as well drink – I feel like shit anyways.”
But stubborn as I am, I didn’t.
My mental health, positive vibes and creativity returned fairly quickly after I poured my remaining liquid treats down the drain. Man, I do miss that first tangy sip of Strongbow though, especially now as the early summer sun starts to burn and peel my paperwhite skin.
“Why?”
Because one or two drinks make me feel like bull’s crap for days. Pulling an all nighter puts me on a fast lane of scheming to commit a suicide. Depression is no joke – and we are old pals from ten short years ago.
I don’t want other people to stop drinking. I don’t think most of them should, to be honest. If you are able to have a few drinks or pull a butt-wild night out at the town, go for it! If I could enjoy a cider or two at the end of my night shift and feel like a decent human being in the morning, I would join you. But I can’t. Something about me is hypersensitive to intoxicants. So, have at it, and have one for me!
Addictions are funny. Once you muffle down one of them, another one takes over. In case this happens to you, they always say to pick a healthy addiction to replace the old one – like running. I’ve never been much of a runner or long-distance-anything, so I chose something completely different; creative writing.
The first pages of my book were already there. I started writing it years ago but got stuck after a scene that was too painful for me to read after I wrote it. I asked someone else to read it for me. I also asked if I should continue writing the story. This person – my mentor – sent me an article of J.P. Donleavy and his book “The Ginger Man”. This author’s words will forever remain clear in my otherwise chaotic head:
“Writing is turning one’s worst moments into money.”
And that’s what I did.
I just got off the phone with a publisher who is interested in publishing my book. It may not make me famous, it may not make me rich … but it means everything to me. I’m not sure if I could have written this book without being sober (it’s likely I could have – aren’t most authors professional drunkies?) but I’m sure I couldn’t have done it without a few very special people who would not let me give up, but to “suck it up and get back to work!”
A humble Thank You: Chris, Stephen, Luna, and Jill. Your support is the best high.
This is the most common comment I’ve heard over the last ten months. Not having a drop of alcohol (nope – not smoking anything either) seems to be tougher for those around me, than what being sober is for myself. The beginning was hard. After a summer filled with Strongbows and short night sleeps pulled me under murky waters. I was sick and depressed for weeks. “I might as well drink – I feel like shit anyways.”
But stubborn as I am, I didn’t.
My mental health, positive vibes and creativity returned fairly quickly after I poured my remaining liquid treats down the drain. Man, I do miss that first tangy sip of Strongbow though, especially now as the early summer sun starts to burn and peel my paperwhite skin.
“Why?”
Because one or two drinks make me feel like bull’s crap for days. Pulling an all nighter puts me on a fast lane of scheming to commit a suicide. Depression is no joke – and we are old pals from ten short years ago.
I don’t want other people to stop drinking. I don’t think most of them should, to be honest. If you are able to have a few drinks or pull a butt-wild night out at the town, go for it! If I could enjoy a cider or two at the end of my night shift and feel like a decent human being in the morning, I would join you. But I can’t. Something about me is hypersensitive to intoxicants. So, have at it, and have one for me!
Addictions are funny. Once you muffle down one of them, another one takes over. In case this happens to you, they always say to pick a healthy addiction to replace the old one – like running. I’ve never been much of a runner or long-distance-anything, so I chose something completely different; creative writing.
The first pages of my book were already there. I started writing it years ago but got stuck after a scene that was too painful for me to read after I wrote it. I asked someone else to read it for me. I also asked if I should continue writing the story. This person – my mentor – sent me an article of J.P. Donleavy and his book “The Ginger Man”. This author’s words will forever remain clear in my otherwise chaotic head:
“Writing is turning one’s worst moments into money.”
And that’s what I did.
I just got off the phone with a publisher who is interested in publishing my book. It may not make me famous, it may not make me rich … but it means everything to me. I’m not sure if I could have written this book without being sober (it’s likely I could have – aren’t most authors professional drunkies?) but I’m sure I couldn’t have done it without a few very special people who would not let me give up, but to “suck it up and get back to work!”
A humble Thank You: Chris, Stephen, Luna, and Jill. Your support is the best high.
“I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.”
― Maya Angelou